As I came back to my “previous life”, I’ve been wondering about many things, I’ve learned a lot about myself as a person, I know who my real friends are, I had a lot of first experiences as well. At this moment among my fake friends, new acquaintances, family, and nosy neighbors, there is this one thing they always ask me: “What have you been doing lately?

This poem is my response to that question.

Lately, I’ve been missing things I desperately need
My bottle caps, my blue pen, my keys
Been missing way too many socks
That I barely have enough to wear
When I go running around the blocks

Lately, I’ve been losing things I couldn’t afford to lose anymore
My sleep, my friends, myself
It is easy to catch me in the act of searching
Although I’ve tried to do it when no one is watching

My mirror is no longer inside my pocket
My coins are no longer underneath my jacket
And there is no way to know who I am
But to look inside my wallet

I cannot understand why
Things are moving, people are leaving
Why things are no longer where they belong

Because my head always belongs under your chin
My arms must rest around your waist
And my heart won’t beat
Unless it is next to yours

I’ve had enough practice of looking under the bed
Behind the drawers
Have had enough practice of grabbing things
From the dark corner of my closet,
Finding things I left behind

But you are always
In the last place I look

(Semarang, August 2014)


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